Wherein I receive FINAL NOTICE from the RNC.....

I received a disturbing piece of mail from the Republican National Committee yesterday. On the front of the envelope, just above the address window, were the words "FINAL NOTICE."

"Oh my God," I thought. "The Republicans are giving me final notice." This is never a good sign.

Where had I gone wrong?

So, I opened up the envelope and found a single document with the heading: "FINAL 2008 MEMBERSHIP RENEWAL." Now, this got me to scratching my head. I just cannot recall being a member of the RNC in 2007, or 2006, or 2005, or any year all the way back to my first eligible year as a voter in the late 1970s. "Is my age begining to catch up with me?" I wondered. "Have I been a Republican all these years?"

The top of the document contained the standard tear-off-and-return contribution form, including lines for "2008 Sustaining Membership Dues" and "Additional Emergency Donation."

The body of the work dissected below the perforation....

Here's the pitch:

Dear Mr. Big Nit Attack

If you have not already done so, it is critical that you accept your
Republican National Committee (RNC) membership today by rushing in your 2008 Sustaining Membership Dues of $25.

That alone would have sent me scurrying for my checkbook, no?

I really like this next paragraph. (Keep in mind, this letter is dated February 4, 2008):

Senator Hillary Clinton's fundraising juggernaut is growing as we speak. She raised MORE THAN $100 MILLION IN 2007 AND IS SET TO RAISE EVEN MORE IN THE COMING MONTHS BEFORE THE ELECTION.

I read that twice to see if I was missing something. I wasn't.

But, that's not all. The Democrats have taken in $100 million more than the Republicans so far. And this doesn't even count the $500 million Big Labor, Hollywood elites and liberal groups like MoveOn.org are planning to spend to defeat Republicans in 2008.

Lions, and tigers, and bears. Oh, my!!!!!

If we don't close the fundraising gap with the Democrats, we will not be able to defend our candidates from their vicious attacks and outright distortions and get our message past the liberal media filter directly to the voters.

You evil, evil rabid lambs, you.

Your support of our party has never been more important.

Mr. Big Nit Attack, the 2008 elections are closing fast, and our opponents are prepared in every state. The SUPPORT OF GOOD REPUBLICANS LIKE YOU IS VITAL TO VICTORY

Well then, it looks like you are SOL.

If we are to regain our majorities and continue to control the White House, we need your support. Quite frankly, we cannot do that unless you and many others join our RNC team. That's why it is crucial that you accept your RNC membership today.

Is this the start of the blame-the-members meme?

With your help, Mr. Big Nit Attack, we can and will regain our majorities, retain the White House, and continue to advance our strong, compassionate, conservative agenda.

Well, hey, I'm all for that compassionate stuff.

The letter is signed:

Sincerely,

"Funniest line in the whole thing," I thought.

Robert M. "Mike" Duncan, Chairman

Republican National Committee