If you're in Texas, you might want to evacuate now

Because if you wait until the next big hurricane comes blowing in and you need the government's help to get to safety -- you're probably screwed.

That's because Texas has decided that the massive traffic backups caused by thousands of panicking citizens are not nearly exciting enough. So they want to gum up the works even more.

Yep. If you want to board a bus to evacuate now you are going to have to submit to a criminal background check first.

Texans seeking to escape the next hurricane or state emergency by evacuation bus will first be submitted to criminal background checks, the state's emergency management director says.

The idea, according to Jack Colley, is to keep sex offenders and others who may be wanted by police off the same buses used by the most vulnerable during an evacuation: the elderly, disabled residents and children.

I was not aware that there was a problem with sex offenders running amuk on evacuation buses and the article does not mention such a problem. But apparently Texas believes the problem is so great that they are willing to take the time to do all these checks while a Category 4 or 5 hurricane is bearing down on them.

Don't worry, though, this whole process will go off like clockwork.

Though the intent is to make sure vulnerable evacuees aren't victimized, Colley acknowledged that culling sex offenders and other criminals from a herd of evacuees during a potentially chaotic evacuation comes with plenty of challenges.

No shit, Sherlock.

But here's the best part -- everyone gets to wear a wristband so they can be tracked.

The decision to wear a wristband is purely voluntary. But anyone who boards an evacuation bus will have to provide a name. There will be no requirement to show an identification card, such as a driver's license, but officials may ask those boarding for an ID.

This idea has some merit because a lot of families got separated during the Katrina evacuation and wristbands might help reunite them. But assigning wristbands and doing criminal background checks is something that can be done later -- after everyone has gotten the hell out.

And it is also going to result in a whole lot of people refusing to get on an evacuation bus -- maybe because they have a warrant out for them for some minor offense, maybe because they are just scared. Texas officials say they won't leave any sex offenders or other wanted individuals behind -- just put them on a separate bus. Oh yeah, that's going to work.

And call me cynical, but this whole program smacks of someone's idea of controlling all those scary poor black and brown people they saw on TV after Katrina.

Whatever the reasons, people are going to avoid these buses like the plague and the body count in a major storm will soar.

Oh, and here is the quote of the day:

"We're all entitled to privacy, but we're not entitled to anonymity," Colley said.